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General Parenting Issues The purpose of this forum is to discuss general parenting issues related to children with AD/HD(ADD & ADHD)

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Old 08-12-04, 10:22 AM
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ADD and taking care of kids

I have noticed that some people, my husband's family, for example, seem to believe that I don't take proper care of my daughters. They have seen me getting distracted while my little ones are playing, for example. Before I can say anything to the girls, they are already saying it. UGH!!! Just when I am about to serve food to the girls, they say: "Aren't you going to give them food?" I can give you plenty of examples, but I'm sure you have got the picture.

I feel disrespected, underestimated, treated like a teenager or something. But at the same time I feel guilty because I know that I do get distracted sometimes. Usually, it happens when I am outside my house and my routine is altered. When I am alone with the kids, I have a routine and they have all my attention. My daughters are healthy and happy.

Any of you experience the same?
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Old 08-12-04, 12:08 PM
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OH man, I don't have kids, but I can understand your feelings because I have had those same feelings in other areas where other's were constantly on my case about something.

I think if I were in your shoes, I'd gently remind them that YOU are their parent and you take care of your children just fine. I would be firm (but that's just me). AND, if they want to continually harass you about it, to just ask your kids if there's a problem, and if not....case closed.
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Old 02-21-09, 12:24 PM
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Re: ADD and taking care of kids

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Originally Posted by Mariela View Post
I have noticed that some people, my husband's family, for example, seem to believe that I don't take proper care of my daughters. They have seen me getting distracted while my little ones are playing, for example. Before I can say anything to the girls, they are already saying it. UGH!!! Just when I am about to serve food to the girls, they say: "Aren't you going to give them food?" I can give you plenty of examples, but I'm sure you have got the picture.

I feel disrespected, underestimated, treated like a teenager or something. But at the same time I feel guilty because I know that I do get distracted sometimes. Usually, it happens when I am outside my house and my routine is altered. When I am alone with the kids, I have a routine and they have all my attention. My daughters are healthy and happy.

Any of you experience the same?
hmmmmm....I get that from the In-laws and most strongly from my overbearing, over-organised stepmother too.
I find I get distracted when I am trying to deal with the social situations that comes with visiting with family (and staying with them), whereas at home we have our own routine and I am much more in the moment.

What helped was to decide on a routine and to communicate that to my family....like to say "DD needs to eat at about (time). How does that fit in your schedule?"
Or if stepmother asks what I am going to do with dd`s dinner to come up with an answer and explain it. Like saying "Id like dd to get used to eating with everyone, so I am going to wait a few more minutes"

or if they say "Aren`t you going to give her food?" I smile and say "absolutely....and I have got (a sandwich)I am about to give her"

My stepmother (in particular) used to make me feel like a totally stupid child.....I just about fell over when she complimented me on how good a mother I was last time I was visiting them.
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Old 02-21-09, 01:14 PM
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Re: ADD and taking care of kids

wow I was just reminded of something my Mom (who is ADHD) used to say to her OCD Mother
"Funny, you should ask that question, as I was just about to do that. Wanna help?"
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Old 02-21-09, 02:48 PM
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Re: ADD and taking care of kids

Even on medication, trying to maintain a routine with company around is still difficult for me - everything takes longer and is more difficult.

Great response, RHW. If that one fails, there's always McT's famous STFU.
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Old 02-21-09, 09:33 PM
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Re: ADD and taking care of kids

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Originally Posted by RedHairedWitch View Post
wow I was just reminded of something my Mom (who is ADHD) used to say to her OCD Mother
"Funny, you should ask that question, as I was just about to do that. Wanna help?"
Love it, love it!!!

That is the best answer!!!

It says STFU.....without actually saying it!
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Old 02-21-09, 09:46 PM
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Re: ADD and taking care of kids

It's even BETTER because they may feel awkward enough to actually help.
My mother in law has never criticised or said anything unpleasant! I'm very fortunate. she often takes over for me though (ie, "no look I'll show you - this way"). she is quite practical ; total respect!
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