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Old 02-20-11, 04:27 AM
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my life is in shambles

My name is Jessica, I'm 27 years old, I'm a married mother of 3 and currently living in Japan. I don't really know how to get this introduction thing going so I'll just start at the beginning. I don't know what I have but I do know that I seem to function differently from other people. ADD was mentioned often during my school years but my Grandmother refused formal testing.

I've always been scatterbrained, I have trouble remembering apps, I lose things, I forget why I walked into a room or if I'm distracted during a conversation I forget what I was talking about. I tune people out when they are talking to me, not on purpose, I just start thinking about other things and lose track of what they are saying. I'm horrible about interrupting people, everyone I know yells at me for it. I "lose" words, I can picture it in my head but for the life of me can't remember what it's called. It's stupid things too, like I'll ask my husband to hand me the spatula but I can't remember was its called when I go to ask him. I also "substitute" words that I mean to say with something that's related to it. It's kinda hard to describe. Say I'm cooking dinner and I need the milk. So I ask my husband or oldest daughter "Hey grab the milk" or at least that's what I think I said. What I really said was "Hey grab the cow" because when I thought about the milk that made me start thinking about cows and for some reason my stupid brain put cow in the sentence instead of milk. It's caused many fights because when my husband points it out because it makes me feel stupid and then I get defensive. I get defensive about a lot of things, I have a super short temper and get angry quickly over tiny things. I yell a LOT and say mean things that I don't mean. When I get really angry words just pour out of my mouth so fast that I trip over them and the sentences come out jumbled. It's always really mean and I try to apologize later but the words are already there and I can't take them back. I'm also a really crappy housewife, my home is always in some state of disarray. I can't remember the last time all the dishes were clean or all the laundry done. I'm sure part of this is the fact I have 3 kids but even when I was single it was never done.
Now despite all this I was usually able to manage fairly well. I did little things to keep myself on track though keeping a job was hard for me. Eventually I married and became a mommy. I stopped working and stayed at home with my children. It got harder and harder to keep up but not impossible. Then my husband(who is in the Navy) got orders to Japan and my oldest child started school. It was like my brain exploded or something. I was a total mess, I was snapping over every little thing, yelling at my kids for doing nothing more then being kids, screaming at my husband over nothing, my house was a disaster, I was losing everything I touched. My entire life was like one of those days where everything goes wrong. I started counseling to learn coping methods for my outbursts and then we started marriage counseling. It seemed to help some. But then I kept forgetting apps, she eventually stopped calling to reschedule and so I stopped going. Then my 3 year old son was diagnosed with a moderate developmental delay and started attending a half day of preschool to help him catch up. My brain is just gone now. I don't get it. Looking at it on paper being a stay at home mother, housekeeper and shuttling my kids to school is so basic and simple, yet I am failing miserably at it. I had to set alarms on my phone so I would remember to go pick them up. 2 weeks ago I went grocery shopping and forgot all about them until the next morning when I went to take the kids to school and my car smelled horrible. $80 worth of frozen foods and meat ruined. I drive off with my purse on top of the car, lose important paperwork, been put on notice for forgetting apps, had meetings with my kids teachers because I keep forgetting about homework and projects, forgot to buy presents for my youngest's second birthday, murdered my poor bathroom plants with straight neglect, forget where I park my car and the list goes on and on. I'm in a constant state of irritation, it seems like everyone needs something from me and all I want is for them to just leave me alone. I'm so on edge and frazzled by the end of the day that the minute my husband gets home I escape to the bathroom and spend 1-2 hours in the tub staring at the faucet wondering where the heck the person I used to be went. My husband can't take it anymore and I don't blame him. Even at my best I'm a difficult person to live with, now I'm just unbearable. I don't even like me anymore. So now I'm in the process of being diagnosed and probably put on meds. I do worry though that it's far more then simply ADD. I know others that have it and they never seemed to get as bad as I am now before getting help. I was doing fine and I just don't understand how a few changes in my life could have made me so crazy. In a matter of a year I went from a stable functioning adult to... this.
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Old 02-20-11, 05:25 AM
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Re: my life is in shambles

Textbook case of untreated ADD. See a doc and get treatment.
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Old 02-20-11, 06:48 AM
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Re: my life is in shambles

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Textbook case of untreated ADD. See a doc and get treatment.
Oh I am, I called my clinic and requested an app with a Dr. First I have to pick up some paperwork to fill out and then they will schedule me. It's gotten to a point that I can't deny it anymore. It's just that, this is so vain and stupid, there's this "dummy" stigma that seems to be attached to ADD. I know I'm not stupid or dumb but that's what my family will think after a formal diagnosis. To them it's not real and all I need to do concentrate more and stop being over sensitive. To them I'm just a dreamer and would be fine if I would just get my head out of the clouds. It's why I fought against it so long. They don't understand why I can't just snap out of it. I'm so conflicted over this. I know I need help and I'm going to get it but I'm so ashamed of needing it.
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Old 02-20-11, 07:04 AM
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Re: my life is in shambles

Just a thought.... you said things have gotten much worse recently, could it be depression as well as the ADD? You will of course need a dr. to help you figure that out. I had no clue that I could have ADD until recently. I actually went to the psych assessment for depression. The thing is, a lot of depression symptoms and ADD symptoms are very similar (forgetfulness, lack of motivation, scatterbrained thinking etc.) so if you have depression on top of the ADD it just compounds the problems and it could explain your turn for the worse. In my case that is more or less what happened, the depression worsened everything to where it became much more problematic than before.

I am only suggesting that as you mention young kids, becoming a stay at home parent and moving to Japan. It could be postpartum related or it could be from feeling isolated (i was a stay at home mom so know how tough it can be!). Not to mention the ADD itself, years of "failure" can lead to depression and it is not uncommon for ADD and depression to go hand in hand.

Anyway, like I said, it is just a thought. Welcome to the boards and let us know how the assessment turns out!
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Old 02-20-11, 07:18 AM
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Re: my life is in shambles

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Originally Posted by hoolio View Post
Just a thought.... you said things have gotten much worse recently, could it be depression as well as the ADD? You will of course need a dr. to help you figure that out. I had no clue that I could have ADD until recently. I actually went to the psych assessment for depression. The thing is, a lot of depression symptoms and ADD symptoms are very similar (forgetfulness, lack of motivation, scatterbrained thinking etc.) so if you have depression on top of the ADD it just compounds the problems and it could explain your turn for the worse. In my case that is more or less what happened, the depression worsened everything to where it became much more problematic than before.

I am only suggesting that as you mention young kids, becoming a stay at home parent and moving to Japan. It could be postpartum related or it could be from feeling isolated (i was a stay at home mom so know how tough it can be!). Not to mention the ADD itself, years of "failure" can lead to depression and it is not uncommon for ADD and depression to go hand in hand.

Anyway, like I said, it is just a thought. Welcome to the boards and let us know how the assessment turns out!


It's very possible. I've been on anti depression meds off and on through the years. I seem to have bouts where it feels like the whole world is against me but eventually that feeling goes away. When we first moved here I was 7 months pregnant with my youngest and after her birth I know I was in one of my dark phases. We decided to live off base and for awhile only had one vehicle plus I didn't have my Japanese licence so I was always alone, in a foreign country with no neighbors that spoke English. After awhile though I got my license, we got a second car and I met a few people, I didn't feel so isolated so I started getting out of my funk. I don't know if that's really depression though because it comes and goes. I just define it as being in one of my moods
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Old 02-20-11, 08:56 AM
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Re: my life is in shambles

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Old 02-20-11, 11:15 AM
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Re: my life is in shambles

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Originally Posted by cheese and rice View Post
It's very possible. I've been on anti depression meds off and on through the years. I seem to have bouts where it feels like the whole world is against me but eventually that feeling goes away. When we first moved here I was 7 months pregnant with my youngest and after her birth I know I was in one of my dark phases. We decided to live off base and for awhile only had one vehicle plus I didn't have my Japanese licence so I was always alone, in a foreign country with no neighbors that spoke English. After awhile though I got my license, we got a second car and I met a few people, I didn't feel so isolated so I started getting out of my funk. I don't know if that's really depression though because it comes and goes. I just define it as being in one of my moods
That sounds like depression to me and sounds a lot like what my wife goes through. Might want to bring all that up when you go to your appt. with the doc.

Welcome to the forums BTW.
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Old 02-20-11, 11:26 AM
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Re: my life is in shambles

Wow! Sounds a lot like me. I made it O.K. as a single person but as a mom, it's like all the details of life came crashing in. When I stayed home with my kids for a few years I was much worse than now that I'm working outside the home. It sounds like maybe you need to be treated for both ADHD and depression but I'd be very specific witht the Dr. Otherwise they may try to treat you for depression only. I have both but at least some of the depression comes from being overwhelmed due to ADHD.
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Old 02-20-11, 12:49 PM
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Re: my life is in shambles

I don't think that you saying hand me the "cow" is as a result of a stupid brain. This is ADDcreaivity at its best. Also, I notice that you don't waste too much time trying to find the write word. Memory recall is a challenge with ADDers. The words are usually there, and I believe we know it too. Making them come out is a different story.

When I'm working on my calculus stuff, I find that I am so absorbed in the problem itself that basic arithmetic like -1-2 becomes a challenge for me. If I take a break and come back to that basic problem, I will probably nail it. Maybe this is kinda what you are experiencing.
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Old 02-20-11, 01:48 PM
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Re: my life is in shambles

Welcome! A big hug to you!

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Being a full time mom is the hardest job there is. Also, being in a foreign country doesn't make it any easier. You need as many support systems as you can find.

Feeling like you're chasing your tail can make you depressed! I know because I've been there many times. You're on the right track, though. You're seeking help.

Hang in there!
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Old 02-20-11, 06:17 PM
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Re: my life is in shambles

Oh, honey. You really sound like you could use a lot of hugs and a few good friends where you are. Sounds like you might not have that in your life, so you should at least recognize who hard that is.

Being a mother of three in a strange land is anything BUT simple. Seriously, I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. I'll second what others have said here; this sounds like textbook adult ADD with depression - a very common combination. Get some help, find a counselor who will be patient with your occasional bouts of dropping off the planet - if you go back to marriage counseling, make sure *that* counselor understands ADD.

And please...be GENTLE with yourself. When you beat yourself up, it's not just hard on you, it exacerbates the problem. Instead, take a close look at why you do the things you do or don't do and learn to be aware of your behaviors and find ways not to let them repeat themselves. If you drive off with the purse in the car, don't beat yourself up for forgetting it, just don't put it up there anymore.
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Old 02-20-11, 08:11 PM
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Re: my life is in shambles

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Originally Posted by metzfanaz View Post
That sounds like depression to me and sounds a lot like what my wife goes through. Might want to bring all that up when you go to your appt. with the doc.

Welcome to the forums BTW.


Oh I'm sure it will be discussed. I was on a low dose wellbutrine not too long ago and it's probably still on my chart. I had gone to the Dr because I was experiencing extreme fatigue and sleeping for hours at night but still needing naps just to function. I was given a test that scored me at having mild depression. Later though after 2 trips to the ER and 80 million tests I found out that I have Type 2 diabetes and had excessive liver damage. I switched to a diabetic diet and the fatigue stopped almost instantly so I stopped taking the wellbutrine.
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Old 02-20-11, 08:19 PM
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Re: my life is in shambles

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Originally Posted by Padme View Post
Wow! Sounds a lot like me. I made it O.K. as a single person but as a mom, it's like all the details of life came crashing in. When I stayed home with my kids for a few years I was much worse than now that I'm working outside the home. It sounds like maybe you need to be treated for both ADHD and depression but I'd be very specific witht the Dr. Otherwise they may try to treat you for depression only. I have both but at least some of the depression comes from being overwhelmed due to ADHD.


Well I'm not hyperactive at all, I'm constantly on the go but it's more because I have to be. My children go to an American school on base but I live about 45 minutes away with morning traffic. The buses don't come out all the way to my house so I just take them in and pick them up. They get out at different times though so I'm driving back and forth from the school all day long it feels like. I squeeze in whatever errands I have to run in between those times. I don't think I fidget much, though I do knit as a hobby. I don't feel like I have to me moving constantly or anything. I just have the attention span of a gnat, LOL
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Old 02-20-11, 08:25 PM
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Re: my life is in shambles

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
I don't think that you saying hand me the "cow" is as a result of a stupid brain. This is ADDcreaivity at its best. Also, I notice that you don't waste too much time trying to find the write word. Memory recall is a challenge with ADDers. The words are usually there, and I believe we know it too. Making them come out is a different story.

When I'm working on my calculus stuff, I find that I am so absorbed in the problem itself that basic arithmetic like -1-2 becomes a challenge for me. If I take a break and come back to that basic problem, I will probably nail it. Maybe this is kinda what you are experiencing.

Well I say stupid brain just because it drives me bonkers and makes me angry with myself. My brain isn't stupid as in not able to function, it's stupid because it won't function the way I want it too. Maybe it's the wrong word to use, it's just a habit.
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Old 02-20-11, 08:31 PM
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Re: my life is in shambles

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Originally Posted by mimi'sdreaming View Post
Welcome! A big hug to you!

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Being a full time mom is the hardest job there is. Also, being in a foreign country doesn't make it any easier. You need as many support systems as you can find.

Feeling like you're chasing your tail can make you depressed! I know because I've been there many times. You're on the right track, though. You're seeking help.

Hang in there!
Yeah being a mom is tough and really overwhelming at time. It just feels like it shouldn't be as hard as it is for me sometimes. IDK it just feels like I'm messing everything up.
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